This week’s Tuesday Truth is about relationship communication. Well, shit. I sit here in front of my computer (this was on Sunday) not communicating anything but nonverbal communication to my husband. According to Doyle (2020) over 65% of communication is nonverbal. Non-verbal communication is like talking in a foreign language to a lot of people. For me, non-verbal communication is my first language. When someone is responding to me non-verbally especially when they are hurt, I try so hard to attend to them, but my husband does not.
Brian and I have been together for 15 years March 17th and him and I have had very few arguments over the course of 15 years. But, of course, this week, the week I am supposed to share with all of you about relationship communication, I sit here NOT SPEAKING TO HIM.
Today (Sunday the day I wrote this blog) I have no words for him. This is rare. I called a friend to complain about my husband. This is also rare. Now, the only advice I have to give you is to find some friends who will not judge you for these relationship communication mishaps and share your struggles.
When we struggle, what usually happens is that Brian and I both shrug our shoulders to our communication mishap and say “I am sorry” which concludes with forgiving each other instantly much too often. I am not saying this is wrong, but when we are in a relationship that shows grace after grace after grace we can come to a spot in our relationships where things build up. When this happens, we must remember that things are not going to be ruined if we talk to a trusted friend about the hardships in our relationships.
Although I felt completely vulnerable since my friend knew on Sunday that me and my husband were currently not seeing eye to eye, I now know that Brian and I’s relationship is not going to wither into pieces just because there were some things that we needed to talk about. In fact, Brian’s and I’s relationship is stronger because of this communication failure, because I reached out to a trusted friend, and because I actually took the advice she provided.
She advised me to make a list of what I wanted to say to him. I did not want to talk to him, but I listened to her. If your relationship has a foundation of love, kindness, acceptance, and grace and there comes a time to talk about the things that hurt within the relationship, it feels gross. Like, dang, our relationship is good, why am I struggling at this moment? But what would be more worrisome is if mine and Brian’s relationship was unable to withstand the fiery furnace of calling each other out. This is how we grow and growing is painful.
I was going to get on here this week and talk about Emmerson Eggerichs Love and Respect book and all the wonderful things I learned about relationship communication from this book. Above is the hyperlink check it out.
But, today, I decided you needed to hear the raw of a good relationship. A relationship I have with a man who adores me and whom I adore. I thought you needed to hear the real of a relationship communication mishap that did not tear us apart. I thought maybe you needed to hear about the broken yet beautiful side of relationship communication.
Sunday, when I wrote this, I challenged myself to make bullet points (advice from that trusted friend) to communicate with my husband about all the hurts I was feeling. When it came down to talk time, we had a civil conversation and got some things accomplished. Today, our relationship is back to normal and GUESS WHAT? It is probably stronger. When we are open and honest relationships become stronger. For this, I am proud of us. I now challenge you to make some bullet points the next time you feel unheard. I challenge you to not just keep it in. That shit ruins your relationships.
This message is endorsed by Jules Lundberg. I am not a licensed therapist, but I am being trained to become one. These are all my idea and thoughts and the articles within are given to you as another perspective.